Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but about a year after Monkey was born I started therapy because I was severely depressed.  The therapist said that it was probably prolonged from not treating post-partum depression right away.  So I went on Paxil, then Zoloft and it turned out to be the best decision for me.  I was able to concentrate more, be focused on things that mattered and not dwell endlessly on those things which didn’t.

I had to go off of the medication during Princess’ third trimester and I decided when I found that I was pregnant that I would go off of it for the entire pregnancy.  That was difficult but gave me a peace of mind that anything she could end up having disability-wise, wouldn’t be from me taking Zoloft.  I started the medication right away after giving birth to her and I think it has definitely helped.  That along with the super easy delivery of Princess.  I didn’t tear as much this time and I feel great overall — not worn out and battered.

Anyway, I’m writing this because if anyone out there is struggling after having given birth, don’t wait to see someone about it.  Don’t tough it out or think it’s normal to be that miserable.  Get some help so you can enjoy your baby sooner than later.

Yesterday, at 5:23 pm, our little girl came into the world. I started the Pitocin at 8:45 am (ish) and the doctor broke my water around 9:30, I think. Then the contractions started and I wimped out — getting the epidural around 10:45. The original nurse made a prediction of 1:00 pm and I think that got my hopes up. So when 3:00 rolled around and the next nurse came in and stated I was only dialated 3-4 cm, I was very discouraged. She along with my surrogate nurse, my MIL (who did wonderfully, BTW, in keeping my spirits high), kept informing me of the major contractions I was having, trying to cheer me up (I was REALLY numb and couldn’t even feel my left leg).

But then the epidural started to wear off and I could feel a little more pain and pressure (I kept telling the nurse it felt like I had to poop really bad and had severe constipation cramps) and the contractions were definitely strong. DH helped by reminding me of the breathing techniques. By 4:00, I had dialated to 5 cm and by 5:00 I was at 10 — with a “top off” on the epidural for the finale!

The doctor came in and within 5 contractions and 10 pushes, our little girl was out! It was SOOOO easy. Thank God for modern medicine!

I WANT MY BODY BACK!  In the worst way, seriously.  People keep telling me that I should cherish this time because at least I’m not getting up in the middle of the night.  These people obviously either A) have never been pregnant or B) have completely forgotten what the end of the third trimester is like.  I’m already getting up at least 4 times a night to “pee” — I’m using quotes because sometimes it feels like I’m going to pee 5 cups full and all I get is a tiny weeny trickle.  Not to mention the hip pain which causes me to switch positions, oh I dunno, maybe 25 times a night (poor DH having to deal with that).  Anyway, wah.  Looking forward to fitting into real clothes and being able to move about without pain or feeling breathless.

It has really come to my attention recently that DH and I have this parenting one kid thing down.  We’re pretty good at just taking responsibility for various tasks and chores and the load on most nights is pretty evenly split (depending on work schedules, etc.).  And here we are, brilliantly adding another human being to the equation.  Reminds me of that one New Order line, “Work your way to the top of the world, then break your life in two.”  That’s what we’re doing essentially.  I only pray that since we’ve assimilated one kid into our lives and finally have it down that the next round will be shorter.

The big day is Friday.  I decided to get induced this time for a number of reasons.  As many of you can probably tell from recent posts, I don’t make the best pregnancy candidate.  I HATE being pregnant.  But giving Monkey the sibling I never had was important for me, thus the second go at this.  Also about 3 weeks ago, the sonogram tech said that baby girl was 6 pounds.  And if she truly gained a pound per week since then, well then she’s 9 pounds now and would have been 10 by her original due date.  Didn’t quite find the idea of squeezing out a 10 pound baby that appealing and I really want to avoid a cesarean.  Monkey was born vaginally and it went well.  I’m hoping for the same this time.

I’m nervous about this decision because I’ve read too much crap online basically.  The doctor has assured me that getting induced doesn’t mean automatic cesarean or two days worth of labor.  And I’ve done my own poll of friends/co-workers and the majority of them who were induced didn’t go much beyond 8 hours (the same as what the doctor said).  It’s hard not to worry though.  Am I pushing things too much?  What if something goes wrong?  Will I then regret getting induced?  I need to put these thoughts out of my head and just trust that my doctor is correct and that everything will be fine.

Sorry for the randomness of this post.  Blame it on the hormones.

To make things just a tad bit more difficult, DH has been traveling for work a lot this year.  And timing on my illnesses has been uncanny to say the least.  Usually on the week he’s gone or about to leave.  Wah. Wah. Wah.  I know.  But it’s been difficult to deal with a toddler (whose behavior has been challenging to say the least) and be sick and basically have no real time to rest and get better.

Today I went to see the doctor yet again who confirmed the second bout of bronchitis.  She prescribed another round of antibiotics plus the tylenol with codeine she prescribed last time.  “WHAT?!”, you may be asking yourself right now.  Apparently, it’s common to prescribe tylenol with codeine for pregnant woman who have bronchitis because believe it or not, it’s actually safer for the baby than taking cough syrup.  I found this hard to believe since it’s a Category C drug but the  doctor assured me that’s it okay for me to take a weeks worth until my throat finally feels better.  She said that if I took it a lot during the pregnancy, like months, then it might be an issue.

But she also said something else which really eased my mind and I didn’t even mention this symptom to her because it’s well, kinda embarrassing.  You see, I’ve been coughing so hard that each time I pee myself a little.  And without me even saying it, she said, “You must be feeling terrible, you poor thing.  Coughing and probably peeing yourself.”

I said, “I’m glad you said something about that because I wasn’t going to mention it.”

She said, “We’ve all been there, honey.  It will go away.”

WHEW!  I’ve been worried about this being a permanent thing and having to buy adult undergarments at this age!  So needless to say, I’m looking forward to not being sick for not just the obvious reasons but for this reason too!

DH:  You ready for your little sister?

Monkey:  Not yet.

DH:  When are you going to be ready?

Monkey:  Five minutes.

Hilarious and the answer is the same each time.