In the movie, Eat, Pray, Love, the main character has a box of travel brochures and souvenirs, her publisher and best friend’s box was of baby clothes. I don’t have a box. Unless you count the box of fabric swatches I’ve stored away for ages.
So what does that mean? I’m supposed to live a life as a curtain maker? Where does that leave my family? I need to find to complement to Eat, Pray, Love which involves the messy nature of marriage and kids.
We recently purchased Wreck it Ralph. At first glance, it’s just a play on various video games from the early eighties onward. But if you watch await and listen carefully, it is really a message for parents. The line which affects me most is at the end, “I don’t need a medal to tell me I’m good. Because if that little kid likes me, how bad can I be?”
What a great line to carry you throughout your day?
That would describe me lately. Finding the tightrope walk between motherhood and working mother just too difficult lately. But the trapeze artist must walk the line if she wants to keep her tent. Okay, enough with the metaphors.
Lately, dear Hubby has been taking on all of the homework tasks with Monkey and studying, keeping up with his rewards and making sure he’s dressed, fed and taken care of in general. My focus in the evenings is to keep Princess fed, and then get her to bed which now takes an entire hour (without bath, with baths it takes one and half hours). She’s a lot of work. Very demanding but still cute and I’m trying my hardest to treasure these last moments of toddlerhood since we are not having any more kids. She’s very attached to me and while I love it, sometimes it gets in the way of things like me eating my dinner and being a mother to Monkey, too.
This morning, Hubby told Monkey that I would be taking him to school today. Monkey’s response was “No, I want you to take me.” When Hubby asked why, Monkey responded, “Because I like you.” That broke my heart. I know I haven’t been spending a lot of time with him lately and that needs to change.
Work has picked up, I’m taking on more responsibility again and feeling like a caged rat by all of the responsibility in my work and personal life. Not to mention that I feel like I”m only giving each area my least effort because I’m tired ALL OF THE TIME. Yet when an email came from Monkey’s school PTA, I felt compelled to volunteer for something because clearly I haven’t been a very good mother to him as of late. Doesn’t it seem like people just want more and more from you and if you can’t juggle work, laundry, have a perfectly clean house, committee meetings, and not to mention actually BEING a mother and wife to your family, then you are not achieving or are less of a person? Or is that just me?
Some days, I just want to say F it all and stay in bed all day. Why bother? There will always be laundry, dishes, more meetings, more work, more, more, more.
I really want to know the secret or is it just some farce? I have feeling it’s the latter but lately, I just feel like the sad clown. Back to the metaphor … queue the calliope music …
The past few days have been trying at work. And somedays I let this work overshadow my personal life but my little Monkey and Princess have been so sweet lately. I think I’ve awakened from my post-partum haze finally (it almost two years after Monkey’s birth, too). I’m finally able to enjoy them and have enough energy and patience to truly appreciate them.
This is the first week of school for Monkey. His very first week ever, the real deal, not daycare. I thought I would ball but neither of us cried. He did great and has been for the past two days. He truly seems to like school and for that I’m grateful. DH has been going over a reading workbook with Monkey every night outside of what the school has sent home. I wasn’t sure how this would go over but he seems to have some interest in it. I say this because on the way home last night, he went over what he thought our evening plan should be and stated that “after baby sister goes to bed, Daddy and I will read the ‘important’ book”. The important book. So impressed with his recognition of the workbook’s potential for him.
Also, yesterday morning, Princess and I put Monkey on the bus together for the first time. I know she is very attached to her brother and was rightfully a little worried about this event. She cried for him as he boarded the bus (which luckily he didn’t hear as he was too occupied with talking to a neighborhood friend) and she even tried to wiggle out of my arms to go on with him! But as we got back in the car and drove to daycare, she settled down. That is until she saw another school bus and began saying his name again. Again, I was impressed that she remembered so quickly that Monkey had boarded that big yellow thing and that it had taken him away after only seeing this event one time.
It’s these little things I need to fixate on more. They make happy, make me grateful and make me appreciate what I have.
Debating on how much Princess and I should watch romantic movies together. Once I found out I was having a girl, one of the myriad of things I imagined us doing was going to girly movies together.
However, recently, I’ve started thinking that’s not a good thing to encourage. Romantic movies give women the impression that men will cherish them, understand them and be a partner in every sense. The truth is women need to cherish themselves, take care of themselves and be their own captain to the shores of happiness. Most men I’ve encountered and known in my life are driven by their ego and pride, sometimes lack of self-esteem; there truly isn’t room for anyone else in their life unless that person is continually supporting their ego, their dreams, their agenda.
At the moment, I wonder if I believe at all she can find a man who will truly, honestly love her in this ego-driven, self-centered world. At the same time, I don’t want to discourage her from trying.
I just want her to be respected and truly loved by the person she chooses to be with forever. I don’t want her to make the mistakes I have, to underestimate her value.
