Filed under Deep Thoughts

Letters to yourself

I heard an interesting piece on NPR this afternoon on the way to pick up Monkey from daycare.  It was about a young woman who on her blog asked older blog readers if they were to write a letter to their 20-year-old self, what would they say?  I thought this concept was pretty cool and would like to know, what would you tell your 20-year-old self, if you could?

Here are few things I’d tell her:

  1. You can’t make someone love you no matter how much you love them
  2. Spend more time finding out who you are than following what other people think you should be
  3. Failure is okay.  You won’t learn a thing without it.
  4. That guy?  Isn’t worth a dime and you deserve better. 
  5. Being on your own would be a good thing.
  6. Adopting 4 cats all the same age will result in major vet bills in about 10 years.
  7. Show off the body you have now and stop hiding it with baggy clothes.  Use it while you have it.

Keep Peddling

This is something I’ve found myself saying a lot this week as we are trying to teach Monkey how to ride his new bike.  He doesn’t quite get that in order to keep the bike moving he has to keep peddling.  He definitely prefers when there’s a downhill slope and he can just coast.  He also prefers to take in everything around him and not watch where he is going.  We’re working steadily on both and I’m sure in no time at all I’ll probably be rueful that we ever taught him how to ride.

But this teaching experience has taught me a metaphorical lesson as well.  In order to move forward, you must keep peddling.  I think I’ve been coasting a lot lately and sometimes, that’s okay.  A well deserved break from pushing so hard or in order to get back to health is sometimes needed.  Now that I’m back to a healthy state though, I’m thinking it’s time to start peddling again. 

 The key is to get rolling but not lose sight of the scenery as well I suppose.  Something I’m desperately trying to teach Monkey and it seems myself.

To indidnity and de da dawn!

Recently Monkey learned about Buzz Lightyear.  And whenever we asked him “What does Buzz Lightyear say?”, he’d respond, “To indidnity and de da dawn!”  Now he’s getting better at it and it almost sounds like “To infinity and beyond!”  — although DH and I wish he wouldn’t.  This is something DH and I have found ourselves saying a lot lately.  It all apart of our realization that Monkey is getting older and not our little baby anymore. 

Other things he mispronounces and I’m sure we’ll miss are:

“Lellow” = “Yellow”

“Mook” = “Milk” (this has been this way for a long time, I think because we don’t say milk anymore either)

“Toopon” = “tampon” (don’t ask)

And there’s others that I can’t remember now.  Through the development of his speech and watching him grow so fast, I feel like any moment now he’ll be off to college.  I just want to hug him and have him cradle in my arms.  I know these days are numbered so I guess I’m just trying to get the most of them for now.

End of an era

My last post is completely different from this post.  However, I will try to include some positive somewhere in here.

The end of the 4fatcats era has come.  I suppose it’s time to move on and redefine myself as a non-pet owner.  For so long I was defined almost by the fact that I owned 4 cats.  This evening I went to the vet for one last euthanasia, this time for Pia.  I love the old girl.  She’s been with me through so much.  The dark ages with my ex-boyfriend from college, the trans-formative years when I was finally trying to figure out who I was, the dating years, the married years and lastly, the mommy years.

Often DH would play the “fire” game as he calls it where he’d ask, “If the house were on fire and all four cats were lined up equal distance from each other and you could only take ONE, which one would it be?”  I’d decline to answer because I didn’t want to seem partial to one but the answer in my head was always “Pia”.  But if anything I learned from Duzee, it was not to hold on too long.  Surrender and let go.Pia Maria

Pia’s inner eyelid on her left eye was messed up and caused her grief.  She had hypothyroidism like Duzee had and required medication every day.  And to top that off, she was in desperate need of dental work making it hard for her to eat.  To fix her up and continue medication would cost a good chunk of money which as everyone keeps telling me, just isn’t viable for an older cat like Pia (she was 16, would have been 17 in January).

For the past few months she had started crying at night and it had progressively gotten worse.  Then she started going into the hallway between all of our bedrooms and crying which woke everyone up, including Monkey.   It was clear she wasn’t well.

I hated making this decision but it’s the responsible thing to do.  Farewell, Pia.  I will always remember your super loud purr, your so very soft gray fur and the way you’d sit so elegant with your tail wrapped around you.  I’ll remember when you were a kitten and would suckle on my ear at night and sleep under the covers with me.  You’ve been a great companion and I will miss you dearly.

I’ll have some more positive, pleased

I’ve mentioned before that I practice Bikram Yoga and how that style of yoga is suitable to my personality than most other types.  It’s a little more hardcore and a bit less focused on the spiritual but the spiritual element is still there.  There is no chanting or singing but there is definitely a focus on mind/body connection.  However, that being said, I think in this cynical world sometimes we need some more spiritual, more happy, more positive thinking.  Less greed, less back-stabbing, less name calling, less dog-eat-dog.

During yoga class earlier this week I could imagine how most people attending the class for the first time would react to some of the common themes in any yoga class.  For instance, at the end of every class, the instructor says, “Namaste”.  And the students respond, “Namaste”.  It means “I bow to you” — sometimes interpreted as “the good in me recognizes the good in you”.  I can imagine them rolling their eyes during certain inspirational thoughts expressed by the instructor.  Or thinking that in general (especially Bikram Yoga) is completely nuts.

With regular practice though, you begin to appreciate the finer details of what it really is meant to do.  Strip away focus from the outer world and bring that focus onto yourself.  There are very few places where can you focus solely on YOU without guilt or regret.  Where your leader will encourage you push yourself but only to the point where you are without pain.  Where you can stop thinking so darn much and just follow the instructions as they register within your ear then your brain.

My yoga class is my refuge from my own worry and doubt, from scrutinizing peers or family and when the class is over, sometimes from physical pain.  I sincerely hope each of you has someplace you can call your refuge from the cynical, cold world.  Somewhere you can be you without fear or judgment.   And I hope you can find the time to create some positive in your own life and maybe, just maybe, if we all create some positive, it will become contagious.

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