cirque du bebe » Deep Thoughts

Random pre-game thoughts

Tue, 28 Sep 2010 01:48:59 +0000

No, not football. Birth (I’m sure many of you already guessed this.)

I WANT MY BODY BACK! In the worst way, seriously. People keep telling me that I should cherish this time because at least I’m not getting up in the middle of the night. These people obviously either A) have never been pregnant or B) have completely forgotten what the end of the third trimester is like. I’m already getting up at least 4 times a night to “pee” — I’m using quotes because sometimes it feels like I’m going to pee 5 cups full and all I get is a tiny weeny trickle. Not to mention the hip pain which causes me to switch positions, oh I dunno, maybe 25 times a night (poor DH having to deal with that). Anyway, wah. Looking forward to fitting into real clothes and being able to move about without pain or feeling breathless.

It has really come to my attention recently that DH and I have this parenting one kid thing down. We’re pretty good at just taking responsibility for various tasks and chores and the load on most nights is pretty evenly split (depending on work schedules, etc.). And here we are, brilliantly adding another human being to the equation. Reminds me of that one New Order line, “Work your way to the top of the world, then break your life in two.” That’s what we’re doing essentially. I only pray that since we’ve assimilated one kid into our lives and finally have it down that the next round will be shorter.

The big day is Friday. I decided to get induced this time for a number of reasons. As many of you can probably tell from recent posts, I don’t make the best pregnancy candidate. I HATE being pregnant. But giving Monkey the sibling I never had was important for me, thus the second go at this. Also about 3 weeks ago, the sonogram tech said that baby girl was 6 pounds. And if she truly gained a pound per week since then, well then she’s 9 pounds now and would have been 10 by her original due date. Didn’t quite find the idea of squeezing out a 10 pound baby that appealing and I really want to avoid a cesarean. Monkey was born vaginally and it went well. I’m hoping for the same this time.

I’m nervous about this decision because I’ve read too much crap online basically. The doctor has assured me that getting induced doesn’t mean automatic cesarean or two days worth of labor. And I’ve done my own poll of friends/co-workers and the majority of them who were induced didn’t go much beyond 8 hours (the same as what the doctor said). It’s hard not to worry though. Am I pushing things too much? What if something goes wrong? Will I then regret getting induced? I need to put these thoughts out of my head and just trust that my doctor is correct and that everything will be fine.

Sorry for the randomness of this post. Blame it on the hormones.

Where’s the love?

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 01:53:16 +0000

I really need to start paying attention to what I say and do … and promise. After reading, Screamfree Parenting, I vowed that I would always try to keep any promises I made to Monkey, good and bad. And to be honest, my track record has been pretty good. But tonight, I almost broke one and it almost brought me to tears.

While putting Monkey to bed (a little earlier than usual because somehow his bedtime creeped up to 9:30), we had a little problem. We read 3 books and I sat and talked with him for a while but when I informed him that I was going to bed, he pleaded for me to stay in the chair “a little bit longer”. And this is my fault. I’ll admit it. Whenever he seems like he’s going to get upset about me leaving, I’ll say, “I’ll stay a little bit longer” and most nights that little bit longer does the trick and he’s content to go to sleep after the first “little bit”. But tonight was not one of those nights.

After the second bit, he started to wail and got out of bed, latching onto my leg as I tried to leave his room. I don’t like for him to get worked up before bed because I know when I’m worked up prior to going to bed, it doesn’t lead to good sleep. I asked as calmly as I could manage for him to go back to bed and he pleaded and cried for me to sit in the chair more. I didn’t want to give in because I knew if I did that would mean three “little bits” tomorrow night and so on. So in a very tender voice, I said, “Get back in bed and I’ll give you another kiss and hug.” This worked.

He got back in bed and I tucked him in … then I proceeded to walk out the door!

“But you said you’d give me a hug and kiss!” he wailed. MY GOD, did I feel awful. I apologized and gave him the hug and kiss I promised but still felt like a heel. Then he said, “Can I give you a kiss?” and he did and then I wanted to cry. I felt so horrible. I’ve been blessed with such a sweet little guy and I need to respect that.

Letters to yourself

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 23:45:34 +0000

I heard an interesting piece on NPR this afternoon on the way to pick up Monkey from daycare. It was about a young woman who on her blog asked older blog readers if they were to write a letter to their 20-year-old self, what would they say? I thought this concept was pretty cool and would like to know, what would you tell your 20-year-old self, if you could?

Here are few things I’d tell her:

You can’t make someone love you no matter how much you love them
Spend more time finding out who you are than following what other people think you should be
Failure is okay. You won’t learn a thing without it.
That guy? Isn’t worth a dime and you deserve better.
Being on your own would be a good thing.
Adopting 4 cats all the same age will result in major vet bills in about 10 years.
Show off the body you have now and stop hiding it with baggy clothes. Use it while you have it.

Keep Peddling

Sun, 13 Jun 2010 01:54:26 +0000

This is something I’ve found myself saying a lot this week as we are trying to teach Monkey how to ride his new bike. He doesn’t quite get that in order to keep the bike moving he has to keep peddling. He definitely prefers when there’s a downhill slope and he can just coast. He also prefers to take in everything around him and not watch where he is going. We’re working steadily on both and I’m sure in no time at all I’ll probably be rueful that we ever taught him how to ride.

But this teaching experience has taught me a metaphorical lesson as well. In order to move forward, you must keep peddling. I think I’ve been coasting a lot lately and sometimes, that’s okay. A well deserved break from pushing so hard or in order to get back to health is sometimes needed. Now that I’m back to a healthy state though, I’m thinking it’s time to start peddling again.

The key is to get rolling but not lose sight of the scenery as well I suppose. Something I’m desperately trying to teach Monkey and it seems myself.

To indidnity and de da dawn!

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 02:25:35 +0000

Recently Monkey learned about Buzz Lightyear. And whenever we asked him “What does Buzz Lightyear say?”, he’d respond, “To indidnity and de da dawn!” Now he’s getting better at it and it almost sounds like “To infinity and beyond!” — although DH and I wish he wouldn’t. This is something DH and I have found ourselves saying a lot lately. It all apart of our realization that Monkey is getting older and not our little baby anymore.

Other things he mispronounces and I’m sure we’ll miss are:

“Lellow” = “Yellow”

“Mook” = “Milk” (this has been this way for a long time, I think because we don’t say milk anymore either)

“Toopon” = “tampon” (don’t ask)

And there’s others that I can’t remember now. Through the development of his speech and watching him grow so fast, I feel like any moment now he’ll be off to college. I just want to hug him and have him cradle in my arms. I know these days are numbered so I guess I’m just trying to get the most of them for now.