Lil’ Monkey has been a complete monster lately when it comes to changing his diaper (unless he’s just awakened and I love those diaper changes). He wiggles to the left, put his legs over his head, wiggles to the right, and grabs his penis or the wipee out of my hand. While trying to get him to stay on his back, he gets really angry and either screams or cries.
I’ve tried singing to him. Old McDonald worked for a while, then I had to switch it up to BINGO, then to Row, Row, Row Your Boat. I’ve even tried what words I remember from the Dirty Jobs theme music.
I’ve tried looking him straight in the eye and talking or making funny faces.
I’ve tried giving him items to distract himself with like the wipes, the container the wipes are in, his sock or a diaper.
I’ve tried changing him STANDING UP (which isn’t easier as I’ve read before).
I’ve tried all four of these AT ONCE. Still a wiggly, upset little boy with a seriously crooked, leak-prone diaper.
I’ve been getting really angry as well over this little routine. It’s come to the point where I DREAD changing his diaper. DREAD IT. HATE IT. LOATH IT. (Except those early morning changes — still loving those.)
Last night, he was difficult to get to bed because he had a shot yesterday afternoon and therefore, didn’t nap until late and not very well. Mid-bedtime routine, I realized that the diaper I put on him less than an hour prior was already semi-full of pee. Ugh. Can’t send him to bed with that.
Let’s just say that changing his diaper at that point last night made my blood boil. I raised my voice more than I would like to admit. After he finally went to sleep, I left his room and went to our bedroom full of guilt and shame. I started to cry and DH wanted to know why. I explained and said, “I NEED a solution. This just isn’t good.”
Now there was a lot more on my mind as well but this set me off on a pity party that lasted about a half hour. I cried and explained to DH that I’m disappointed in myself because I haven’t caught up on work (so close, but as I posted earlier this week, no cigar), the house needs an extensive reorg due to the amount of stuff we’ve accumulated since Monkey’s birth and to top it off, I’m a horrible mother because I can’t even diaper my child without it being a major battle that infuses me with anger. Being sick and drained from the sickness probably didn’t help either.
As I calmed down, I came to my senses and said to myself, “I can’t be the only one.” So off to the Interweb!
I found tons of results with the same suggestions I’ve already tried. The only one I found that we don’t DO anymore was letting the child roam the house without a diaper (with a little side note to follow said child in case any “mistakes” happen).
We call this Free Willy time. He used to get Free Willy time just before his bath when DH would strip him down and let him stand in his crib while DH ran his bath. Monkey LOVES this and we used to love it, too, because he’d just stand there with his hands on the crib railing laughing his little head off. Last week, DH came back into the room to find Monkey peeing through the bars of his crib onto the carpet prior to his bath on two different occasions. Thus, Free Willy time ended.
Now, mind you, Free Willy time was still happening when this whole diaper changing fiasco began about 3 weeks ago. So having Free Willy time obviously was not the answer to my diaper changing woes.
I went to bed still feeling hopeless. Then I decided to browse through a book I bought called Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child by Burton L. White. I must say his writing style is a little dry and he focuses on milestones as if most mothers out there have no idea what they are. And honestly, until I read something about his wife and how she handled one of their children, I would have thought this man was childless just because of the way he referenced the children in his studies. But that’s beside the point. I skipped to a chapter where he talked about diapering and how this simple everyday act could shape a child’s behavior and personality.
Mr. White starts by saying to have all of your accoutrements ready. Okay, DUH. Then he says to tell your child, “Mommy is going to diaper you,” then don’t say another word. Give them a special toy that they only get to hold while getting diapered and proceed. If it’s going well, you can talk or sing or whatever with the child. If it’s not going well, NO talking. Specifically, “… use your superior strength to get the job done, silently.” His theory is “… your concern (the reason you try to explain and console) only reinforces the resistance rather than minimizing it.”
Normally, I would think this was a little harsh. But given what I was experiencing, I decided to try it today. SO FAR, it has worked. The only part of it that is a little hairy still is when I have to take the “diapering” toy away (he’s definitely reached that particular milestone, where were you on that one, Mr. White?). I’ve resorted to quickly picking him up and singing or making funny faces again after prying the toy from his hands. Probably undoing all of Mr. White’s advice about consoling and reinforcing behavior.
He also states, “In actuality, once understood, diapering becomes an easy and remarkably effective opportunity for you to teach the baby that you are really in charge and that while she is dearly loved and will most of the time get what she wants, and quickly, sometimes that won’t happen.”
I’m hoping his theory is correct. I’m not sure it’s a life lesson quite yet but I’ll settle for less stressful diaper changes.
